God is my Rock

this is me every morning! :P

99problemsbutapitchaintone:

Pre-Coffee 

Post-Coffee

I don’t get it, I really don’t. Why one day my friend is nice to me, the next day or rather next week, he’s so cold or I never hear a single squeak. Hmm, is it because you have someone you’re interested in and that is why you don’t want that person to misunderstand about us? Well, then why wouldn’t you say something to me? 2 months ago, if a week goes by without us talking, you actually want me to call you and talk, because we have not been talking in a while. Now? Do you even remember I exist? I still don’t get it, is this how you treat a friend you said you were the closest to in the state? You know what, I don’t even need to know your deepest struggles and problems right now, but it’s like I barely even know the daily going ons of your life, I don’t know anything about you now, period. A week ago, you were nice to me, you were talking to me, you were able to joke with me and you were willing to talk to me alone. Now when I send you a text, you give me one word answers, what’s up with that? You blame me for being over sensitive about you finding a new close friend to talk to, but honestly, was I wrong to think that way? I mean, there is this sudden coldness from you, this sudden, “I really can’t be bothered with you” vibes :( You said you were not the one avoiding you, I was the one avoiding you, seriously, you barely talk to me, when I do initiate conversation, you barely reply, which makes me wonder why I even bother trying in the first place. It’s not fair, it really isn’t, you have no idea how much hurt you are bringing me, you are part of the reason why I wish I was back home now, why I wish that I could take a break from seeing you on a weekly basis, but is it fair? To put aside doing God’s work so I can avoid you? Nope, there is no way I am doing that, priority still goes to doing His work. But at the same time, it’s so hard to see you weekly, are we even friends anymore? I really doubt so, I really really do. And I pray that one day, God will show you what you’re doing to me, because the hurt and the frustration does not seem to want to go away, instead it’s being buried deep within my heart. i sometimes think, maybe I don’t pray enough, maybe I don’t surrender it to God enough. I don’t know, my brain is dying and my heart is bursting, and I am still in the horrible weird mood. I wanna say I hate you awesome friend, but I don’t, I just. wanna know what went wrong, even if it’s because you suspect I fell for you. 

I know what is different. Our “mutual teasing” is gone. Isn’t that what we said would happen. Without it, our friendship just isn’t there anymore. :( where did it go to awesome friend? We used to laugh a lot with each other. But now it’s like no longer. I miss our “mutual teasing”, strange as it seems. I really do. Perhaps when you’re in a better mood I’ll tell you that’s what’s different in our friendship now. That’s why it feels so off. Where did it go to?

Yeah. We’ll deal with it when you’re in a better mood k? :)

Look I know you’re not in a good mood. BUT YOU DO NOT GET TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME. seriously. WTH.